Hindsight is Not Perfect Ch 8

Anakin sat next to Artoo in a daze as he waited for the preparations concerning the ship that would take them back to Naboo to be finished.  The first seriously major difference that he knew of had finally come to pass:  The council hadn't outright rejected him.

He'd stood there, in front of Obi-wan and Qui-gon, fully expecting the Council to outright reject him again, and all they could say was that they hadn't made up their minds.  

It seemed like a horrible letdown, and yet a mind-blowing difference all at once.  

And the irony was by no means lost on him.  When he'd first come to the temple, ready and willing to learn and completely devote himself to their lifestyle, they'd rejected him.  Now that he had Sith training and only cared to stay so long as it took to change the future, they couldn't seem to decide.

Actually, now that he thought about it, the simple term of "irony" didn't seem to encompass the sheer wrongness of the whole situation.  

"Master Windu spoke to you?" he heard Obi-wan's voice come closer and blinked away his thoughts to look up at the talking pair.  

"He said that most of the council is leaning towards rejecting the boy," Qui-gon replied.  Anakin looked over to see the pair approaching, probably to await the arrival of the Queen.

"What did you tell them, Master?"

Qui-gon looked over at Obi-wan for a moment before answering.  "I told him I would take the boy on as a padawan learner."

At first Anakin felt nothing but a numb shock from his former master.  Then, the sheer pain through the Force hit the former slave like a Star Destroyer going into hyperspace, and he reeled from it.  Rejection, betrayal, sadness and just the barest touch of anger all rushed through the surrounding atmosphere like a rabid mob before being dispersed into the Force.

Had all of that come from Obi-wan?  Mr. Control himself?  Anakin couldn't believe it.

"You are more than ready for the trials," Qui-gon said with a sad, but kind look to his rather shaken padawan.  "And he is the chosen one.  I will see him trained."

The emotion that hit Anakin this time was only and echo of the previous freighter, but he felt it through the Force from Obi-wan none the less.  

The padawan glanced over at Anakin, who tried to look busy with Artoo.  "The boy is dangerous.  They all sense it, why can't you?"

The betrayal Anakin felt this time did not come from Obi-wan, and he couldn't help but send a dark scowl in his former master's direction.  He remembered that being said before.  This particular view point was not a new development.  

So why had Obi-wan taken Anakin on as a padawan?  That had always been a sore point to Anakin in his younger days.  What had changed Obi-wan's opinion so much?  It had to be something to do with Qui-gon's death, but no one would ever really tell him.  Eventually, he'd just stopped asking.   

"The boy's fate is undecided," Qui-gon said shortly, "and uncertain.  The Council will decide Anakin's future.  That should be enough for you.  Now get on board."  

With another pang of betrayal from Obi-wan, the padawan turned around and walked towards the ship.  Anakin couldn't help his own flash of anger, both at Obi-wan and at Qui-gon's statement that the Council would decide his future.   He would not allow anyone else to decide his future again.  Not the Council, and not Palpatine.  

And most definitely not Obi-wan.  

Maybe he really should just forget about rejoining the pathetic excuse for a peace-keeping organization.  Most likely he'd just end up with Obi-wan again.  Obi-wan, who apparently didn't want to have anything to do with him.  And Anakin still couldn't figure that out.  And why was Qui-gon so adamant that he be trained?  Just because he was supposedly the "Chosen One"?  

"Anakin?" Qui-gon asked, breaking through his thoughts.  

He looked up at the Jedi Master, and felt the urge to ask.  "Why did you say that?"  

"Say what?"

"That you would take me on."

Qui-gon smiled as he knelt down so as to look Anakin in the face.  Anakin's own look darkened.  He hated it when people looked down on him.  

"I said that because I see so much potential in you," he said.  

Anakin glanced after Obi-wan.  He supposed he could see why the padawan had said what he had. If Obi-wan had done that to him, it would have hurt...a lot.  He probably wouldn't have had anything nice to say either.  The thought didn't do much to make Anakin feel better. "So, you wouldn't want to take me on if I weren't this 'chosen one'?" he asked softly as he turned back to face the older man.  

Qui-gon's expression sobered, a troubled light entering his eyes.  "The laws and rules exist for a reason, Ani."

"Why am I an exception?" he asked.  

"Anakin," Qui-gon started, but the former slave shook his head.  

"I shouldn't have done this.  I shouldn't have come," he looked away, angry at himself for not acting on the obvious.  This would just bring back too many bad memories and bring out too many bad traits of the people he knew he should leave behind.  

"Why do you say that, Anakin?"

Anakin turned his glare back on the Jedi Master. "When you make exceptions to the rules, everything suffers.  Everyone."

"Not always," Qui-gon protested, his voice never gaining Obi-wan's hard edge.  

Anakin closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing to calm the anger.  It kept calling to him through the Dark Side, like an old lover.  Oh how it wanted him to come back again.  He felt like a pod whose power couplings had failed; pulled in so many different directions only to crash spectacularly in a devastating display.  Everyone seemed to be after him, everyone wanted him on their side.  Had he brought this all about just by being born?  Just by having that much raw potential?  

"I wish I weren't so powerful," Anakin muttered.  

"What?"

The anger kept pushing, and he was having a difficult time keeping it in check.  "Everyone wants me for what I can do.  They all want to control my life."  His eyes turned hard as he looked back up at Qui-gon.  "I'm not going to let that happen."

The Jedi sighed, his face gaining the thoughtful expression again.  "You notice far more than you let on, Anakin.  The only thing I can do is answer you honestly.  Yes, I noticed you because you have Force potential.  I would hope that I could have freed you whether you had such potential or not, but I do not know if that would have happened.  I cannot take on every evil in this universe any more than you can.  The only thing I can do, is follow my heart and try.  And right now, my heart says you need to be here."

"What if my heart says something different?" Anakin retorted.  

Qui-gon actually smiled and ruffled his hair.  "Then you must follow it."

Well, that had not been the answer he'd expected.  "Even if it takes me away from the Jedi Order?"

"Even if it takes you away from the Jedi Order," Qui-gon replied with a confirming nod.  "Always remember that your focus determines your reality."

In that moment, his respect for the older man shot up.  He'd underestimated the Jedi...badly.  Not that he was always an excellent judge of character, but still.  

There was still one sore point in Anakin's book concerning this man though.  He'd just opened his mouth to voice it, when the Queen walked up behind them.  Qui-gon greeted her.

"It is our pleasure to continue to serve and protect you," he said with a slight bow.

"I welcome your help," she responded, falling into step beside him.  "Senator Palpatine and Chancellor Valorum fear that the Federation means to destroy me."

"I assure you I will not allow that to happen," Qui-gon said as they ascended the ramp into the ship.

"Neither will I," Anakin vowed quietly to himself as he followed.  No harm would come to her.  He would see to that.  

After all, it was the least he could do for what he'd done to her.

xXx

The ship slept in an uneasy silence as Anakin crept towards one of the cargo bay areas.  He'd seen Qui-gon and Obi-wan practicing their katas at various points of the trip in the largest of the three rooms on board the ship.  If he avoided practicing in that one, he should also avoid detection from the Jedi.  And he needed to practice...badly.  It had been weeks since he'd even picked up a weapon with the intent to either use it or practice.  Since before he'd come back, really.  

Truth be told, he'd been avoiding it.  The Dark Side had always come most easily as he fought.  Now, he had no choice.  He had to get used to fighting with his new body—with real arms and legs—if  he were to protect Padme.  

Locking the door to the smallest of the cargo bays behind him, he took a deep breath and walked to the center.  It would be difficult to practice some of the more difficult moves in here, even with his diminished height, but the privacy would be worth it.  

Taking another calm breath, he closed his eyes and reached for the Force.  It answered his call, and he easily fell into a basic stance as he heard the familiar snap-hiss of Yoda's lightsaber and felt the familiar heat in his hand.  

Two minutes and six near face-plants later, he felt like throwing the weapon through the wall.  

Forget flesh arms and legs giving out on him, he could barely pull off even the most basic katas right now...and he couldn't figure out why.  Nothing felt familiar, despite the fact that he knew he was doing it right.  Form V had always been his favored style, and he knew it better than almost anything else, including flying.  How was it that he could not swing into the basic stances?

It had to be his height, he realized suddenly.  A child's body had different proportions than an adult body...especially a mechanical adult body.  

Muttering a few choice words in Huttese, he sank to the floor in frustration and depression.  How could he protect Padme when he could barely hold the stupid weapon without slicing off his own head.  Or maybe he'd do Dooku a favor and cut his own hand off early.  

Funny how quickly depression can be turned into anger.

Slipping the saber into his shirt, he sat in a meditative pose, focusing on his breathing and banishing the rage to the Force.  If he picked up the weapon now, it would be all that much more difficult to reject the Dark Side.  Although, he doubted that the Dark Side would help at the moment even if he wanted to use it.  The Bogan only granted power, not immediate skill.  

"What are you doing in here?" a familiar voice asked from near the door.  Apparently the locks on this ship weren't all that good.  Obi-wan stood, barely visible in the dim light, as he eyed Anakin warily.

"Uh..." Anakin looked around, glad that he'd put the saber away.  "I couldn't sleep."

Obi-wan cocked his head slightly.  His ridiculous braid seemed to grow with the gesture.  The thought seemed strangely funny to Anakin.  

"Why were you so frustrated just now?"  Obi-wan asked.

Anakin scowled.  "None of your business."

Obi-wan's expression flattened.  "Right.  Sorry to bother you."

He turned to leave, and Anakin blinked in surprise.  Obi-wan never backed down like that.  Ever.  "Wait," he said, opening his mouth without really realizing he'd spoken.  A portion of his mind took note that he'd been doing that far too often recently.  He'd have to fix that.  

Obi-wan stopped and looked back at him over his shoulder expectantly.  Anakin blinked, unsure of what to say.  

"What?" Obi-wan asked.

"Uh...how did you know?"  Anakin asked, grasping at straws.  He couldn't very well say 'it's not like you to walk away'.  That would bring up far too many awkward questions.  

"Know what?"

"That I was frustrated."

The Jedi's brow drew together slightly, giving him a rather confused air.  "I just...can."

"Oh," Anakin said.  They stood there for several seconds in an awkward silence broken only by the thrum of the ships engines.

After a few minutes, Obi-wan cleared his throat.  Anakin knew that sound.  It meant he was about to make a tactical retreat.  So he opened his mouth before the other could voice anything.

"You're right."

Obi-wan blinked.  "About what?"    

"I'm dangerous."

The Jedi looked taken aback, and Anakin couldn't help but smirk.  Anakin: One  Obi-wan: Zero

"Is that a confession?" Obi-wan asked.

Anakin shot him an annoyed glare.  "Confession?"

"Why would you tell me you're dangerous if not to confess?  Are you a spy?"

"No!" Anakin sighed, shoulders slumping under an imagined pressure.  "I saw it," he said softly.  "In a vision."  Or as close to one as he could get.  He still wasn't sure it hadn't all been some horrifically real dream, even if that wasn't what it felt like.  

Obi-wan's eyes softened, although the rest of him looked like he'd been carved from stone for how much emotion he showed.  "Is that why you want to stay with the Jedi?"

Anakin didn't answer.  That wasn't the main reason, but it technically was a reason.  The main reason he wanted into the Order was the fact that he wanted to change the future.  As a Jedi, he could have the power to do that.  

But he had to answer and say something.  "I don't want to hurt anyone," he whispered, not able to meet the other's eyes.  

He heard Obi-wan sigh, and the tightness he'd felt from the twenty-five-year-old eased slightly.  "Master Jinn is going to fight for you.  You will be trained."

Anakin scoffed.  "Will that help?"

"Why wouldn't it?" Obi-wan asked, sounding completely puzzled, as if that should have been an obvious answer.  

Because it didn't before, Anakin thought.  "I don't know," he said out loud.

"He'll train you," Obi-wan said quietly.  "He's a good master."

Instead of the pain and anger he'd felt before, he only felt the betrayal and a sense of loss from Obi-wan now, but he felt it stronger than ever.  

"He shouldn't have done that."

Obi-wan looked back at him.  "Done what?"

"Denounced you."

The padawan shook his head, sad smile coming to his face.  "He only did what he believed was right."

"It's not fair to you."

Obi-wan's smile gained a touch irony, turning it into something vaguely sardonic and horribly familiar.  That was the Obi-wan Anakin knew.  

Was this how his Obi-wan had come into being?  Through pain and heartache that would probably never heal?  

Just how well had he known his former master?

"Life is rarely fair, young one," he said.  "Master Qui-gon may not be perfect, but no one is.  Not Jedi, or senators, or any race ever born into this universe."  Yes, that sounded far more like his Obi-wan.  "He hurt me, yes.  But he didn't mean to...so I can forgive him.  It might take me a while, but I can and I will."

"Why?" Anakin asked hungrily.  That had hit a little too close to home, and he suddenly needed to know the answer.

"Because," Obi-wan said, that sad smile gaining just a twinge of hope, "I would rather swallow my pride and have him and his wisdom in my life than have my pride intact and become estranged over such a thing."

Anakin didn't quite know what to think of that.  Could he forgive Obi-wan for his betrayal as easily as Obi-wan had forgiven his master?  Because whether he actually had betrayed Anakin or not, the former Sith could not seem to banish those feelings.  He still felt resentment and anger towards Obi-wan, and had a sneaking suspicion that he would whether it really had happened that way or not.  

Was just accepting and dismissing all of that the answer?

"I don't know why I'm even telling you this," Obi-wan said, now looking down at Anakin curiously.  "We seem...connected somehow."

So it hadn't been just Anakin's imagination.  Maybe they still had a bond of some sort?  Could he actually bring that back in time with him?  

"You really respect him, don't you?" Anakin observed.

Obi-wan smiled.  "Of course I do.  He's my master.  The closest thing I have to a father...and he's a good man."

"Could...could you forgive him for anything?" Anakin asked, not realizing how quiet his own voice had become.  

"Anything short of turning to the Dark Side," Obi-wan responded easily.  "And even then..."

They stood there in silence again, but this one seemed far more expectant, and far less awkward.  

"It's pretty late," Obi-wan said finally.  "Perhaps you should get back to bed?"

"I can't sleep," Anakin repeated.  He wasn't pouting.  He wasn't.  Sith didn't pout, and neither did Jedi.

"I see," Obi-wan said, obviously thinking.  "Well, we could--"

"Could you go through your katas with me?" Anakin asked suddenly.  Obi-wan blinked.  "I can't do more than the very basics right now," he said through gritted teeth, frustrated at the set back, "but even though I don't have a lightsaber, would you mind?  It always clears my mind."

Obi-wan looked taken back again.  Anakin still felt like he'd lost the scoring along the way somehow anyway.  

"I don't see why not," he said finally, reaching down and unclipping his lightsaber from his belt.  "But if that is what frustrated you, than you probably need to work with the balance of an actual weapon.  Here, you can use mine. I am setting this on the lowest setting so you don't burn yourself...or me.  I will know if you change it."

Anakin nodded, ignoring the stab of annoyance he felt at Obi-wan's wariness all while feeling grateful that the padawan trusted him that far.  It was an improvement.  He accepted the lightsaber and switched it on.  A brilliant blue met his eyes as the laser sword grew to full length.  

"Do you know this stance?" Obi-wan asked, holding up his hands as if to wield an invisible blade.  

"Yes," Anakin nodded.  

"Good," Obi-wan said.  "Follow me."

He and Obi-wan ended up going through several of the basic katas.  As they got further and further into the forms, Anakin was surprised to find himself feeling peaceful.  He wouldn't admit how good it felt to fall back into habit, long forgotten and newly remembered.  He also wouldn't admit how easily he had done so.  

xXx

Qui-gon felt the vague presence approach and decided he'd better wrap up his meditation session.  It couldn't be anyone but Anakin.  Ever since the child had altered his shields, it had been much easier to find him in the Force, but only in fairly close proximity and the older Jedi found it just as hard as ever to sense the boy's feelings. It seemed he had taken Qui-gon's advice to heart, and the Jedi Master had little doubt that in the future, Anakin would be a formidable opponent.

"Ma—er, Qui-gon, sir?" Qui-gon didn't blink an eye at the slip of the tongue, but he did take note of it. Anakin hadn't started out calling him 'master', so what had changed? Maybe he still thought Qui-gon owned him? He'd bring up the subject later. Judging from Anakin's rigid posture, he had something on his mind.

"Anakin, come in. What's wrong?"

He winced, although Qui-gon could feel only the slightest traces of embarrassment and reservation. Just how good was his shielding?  Was Qui-gon only feeling what Anakin allowed him to?  If so, then his training had to have gone on for longer than a few simple months…

"You could tell," the boy responded in a flat, serious tone, as if he were reproaching himself.   

Well, his self-esteem seemed pretty accurate for a long-time slave. He had mental shielding that would put most Knights (and some Masters for that matter) he knew to shame.  He put on a mask of confidence, but it was the little sentences like that that would convince Qui-gon that it was just that; a mask.  An extremely good mask, but a farce none the less.  

Qui-gon had also come to the conclusion that the reason the mask was so good was because it had to be enough to hide the lack of confidence from Anakin himself.  The Jedi knew from experience just how much easier it was to fool others when one worked at fooling themselves.  

He raised an eyebrow at Anakin.  "I meant it as a standard question, but if there is something troubling you then please come sit."

Immediately, Anakin did.  The confident stance he took as he walked through the door, with his arms clasped firmly behind his back did not pass Qui-gon's notice.  He looked more like a soldier than a slave.

"What can I help you with?"  He asked, trying to be as non-threatening as possible.  The last thing that would help the situation would be Anakin feeling forced into saying something.  He needed to learn to trust to become a Jedi.  One couldn't learn anything if one didn't trust their instructors or at least some of their fellow students.  

For just a moment, Anakin seemed at a slight loss.  Then his lips thinned into a determined line, and Qui-gon felt just a touch of resignation through the Force.

"I have dreams," he said.  Qui-gon didn't say anything, waiting for an elaboration.  "Whatever I dream comes to pass.  Don't die."

Qui-gon blinked. The sentence had been so unexpected, that the tone that would have otherwise been an order went completely unnoticed.  "Die?" he asked, still trying to wrap his head around the revelation.  Did Anakin have the gift of foresight?  Such a rare gift.  The impressions from the Force during meditation that almost all Jedi had were vague at best, which is why most Jedi were encouraged to focus on the here and now instead of fretting about what might happen.

"Did you have a dream about me dying?"

Anakin looked down, confirming the Jedi's guess.  Funny, he looked down to his left, indicating a conditioned response, but Qui-gon felt nothing but earnest determination from him.  So what was he lying about?  Not Qui-gon dying, but something related.  

Correctly interpreting the silence as a hint to expound, Anakin continued.  "Sometime after we land on Naboo, you and Obi-wan will run across the Sith Lord again."  Qui-gon's eyes widened in surprise and more than a little apprehension.  Where did Anakin learn that term?  The Jedi Master most certainly didn't remember telling him.  Yoda maybe?  Somehow, he doubted it. He watched, well aware that Anakin had dropped any pretense of trying to act young.  He was talking to Qui-gon like he would to an equal.  Where had the lack of self-esteem gone?  Or was his mask just that good?  Either unaware or dismissive of Qui-gon's thoughts, Anakin went on.  "He'll fight you both.  At one point, you and Obi-wan will become separated.  If you do not wait for him and decide to fight the Sith on your own, you will die."

Qui-gon's mind reeled.  Not so much from the revelation of his supposed death, but from the absolute certainty in the other's voice.  

"I…see," he finally managed to get out.  "And you are positive this will happen?"

Anakin nodded.  

"And you know all of this because of a dream?"

This time he looked offended, and slightly panicked.  "Why else would I know?"  It seemed something connected to that sentence was being kept hidden as well.

Qui-gon sighed inwardly, knowing the next part of the conversation would not be easy.  "I told you before that I won't lie to you, Anakin.  The council is worried that your former master may have been a Dark Jedi, or even a Sith Lord."  Anakin blanched visibly.  Ah, so the boy knew that some of what he'd been taught wasn't of the Light Side.  That either made him the spy Obi-wan thought he was, or a reformed darksider.  Either way, that didn't bode well for the boy's future at the Temple.  

"I see."

Qui-gon raised a hand to his beard, stroking it thoughtfully.  "Did the Sith Lord from the planet teach you?"

There was an unmistakable flash of pure hate before it was either squashed back behind the shields, or released into the Force.  

"Never!"  Anakin insisted.  Again, Qui-gon felt nothing but pure truth from the boy.  So the Sith hadn't taught him, but with that reaction, there was no way that Anakin didn't at least know of him.  Did that mean he had been trained as part of the Sith Order?  Qui-gon shook his head at the thought.  Couldn't be.  Every Jedi knew that only two Sith existed; a master and an apprentice.  But if Anakin knew, then how was he involved?  

A rather unpleasant thought occurred to the Jedi.  Perhaps he was supposed to be the apprentice Sith's replacement?  That would definitely make sense.  It would also explain why Anakin had wanted to come to the Temple where he wouldn't have to compete for a title.  And if he hadn't learned under the Sith on Tatooine, that would make the black and red Zabrak the apprentice.  Qui-gon felt his stomach turn to ice at the prospect.  The Sith he'd met had been no pushover.  His master would be that much more powerful.  

"Anakin," he said slowly, thinking how to best phrase the question he wanted to ask.  "Did the same master teach both you and him?"

Qui-gon had seen many facets of this child, but the complete and utter helpless expression was a new one.  It was all the confirmation that the Jedi needed, but he remained silent none the less.  Anakin's answer would determine his future.  If he answered negatively, then Obi-wan would be right, and he was most likely a spy.  If he answered positively, though, then it would lend more credence to the 'reformed darksider' theory.

Finally, he deflated, not looking Qui-gon in the eye.  He seemed resigned to a fate worse than death.  Unfortunately, he probably wasn't that far off.

Qui-gon's worst fears were realized when Anakin looked back up at him dully and he answered with one word:

"Yes."

xXx

"And you know all this because of a dream?" Qui-gon asked.  Anakin heard the unspoken accusation, and had to shove aside the anger that rose inside him again.  

"Why else would I know?"  Immediately after the words left his mouth, he kicked himself mentally.  Even as calmly as he'd said them, those words had been defensive, and the Jedi would notice.  

Qui-gon met Anakin's eyes.  "I told you before that I won't lie to you, Anakin.  The council is worried that your former master may have been a Dark Jedi, or even a Sith Lord."

He knows! Anakin felt his face drain of color.  Oh Force, they all know!  He should have known that even he couldn't pull this off!  And if they knew, then Palpatine wouldn't be that far behind.  He'd be on the run for the rest of his life!  What about his mother?  Or Padme?  Undoubtedly he'd put them all in danger too.  Again.

"I see," was all he could manage.  His voice refused to say anything else.  

Qui-gon raised a hand to his beard, stroking it thoughtfully as he scrutinized Anakin.  They sat in silence for far too many seconds.  

"Did the Sith Lord from the planet teach you?"

It took a moment for the words to sink in, but when he did, he nearly exploded.  Maul?  Of all people?  Teaching him?!  The notion went beyond ludicrous!  The very idea of learning anything from that disgusting piece of—

He smashed the hate down, releasing what he could to the Force and shoving the rest behind his shields.  Undoubtedly Qui-gon had felt that, but Anakin could only barely bring himself to care.

"Never!"  he seethed.  Again they sat in silence, and Anakin forced himself to calm down.  Yes the very thought of ever being trained under Maul nauseated him to say the least, but it had been a legitimate question.  Anakin couldn't help it though.  He hated Maul.  

Almost as much as he hated himself.  

The pure rage melted into a sort of sad resignation.  He almost snorted at that.  Normally it went the other way around.  

"Anakin," Qui-gon's tone brought him back to the conversation.  He'd figured something out.  But what?  What could he possibly—"Did the same master teach both you and him?"

He stared openly this time.  How?  This man had taken what few hints Anakin had, and then completely stripped his mind bare, leaving him completely naked and exposed.  The numb shock on his face would give him away.  He knew it.  Qui-gon knew it.    

Strangely enough, he felt relieved that his darkest secret had come to light.  

He couldn't meet the Jedi's eyes.  Shame and disgrace saw to that.  

There was no point in hiding it anymore.

"Yes," he heard himself say and braced himself for the response.  Funny, despite the effect this revelation would have on his plans for the future, he felt a strange sort of relief soothing over his soul.  He hadn't felt this…light in years.  Like a weight he'd been carrying for years had been destroyed.  

Qui-gon gave a sigh out loud.  Anakin felt a touch of disappointment in the sad recognition that poured off of the man.  "Oh Anakin," he said softly.  Strangely enough, his voice held no accusation or judgment.  "Why didn't you tell us before?"

He tried to imagine telling the Council that the Sith order existed, and that he'd been trained as one.  Even now he could see their plain dismissal.  He'd be off for the Agricorps on the next outbound flight.  He shook his head.  "You would not have believed me."  He had a point, and Qui-gon knew it.  

Again silence stretched between them for several seconds before Qui-gon broke it.  "Thank you for being honest with me, but you have to realize that this puts all of us in a very difficult position."  The former Sith almost snorted.  Qui-gon said it as if Anakin didn't know that already.  

"I know," he said simply.  What else could he say?  

"What about the Jedi that you said taught you?"

What was he supposed to say to that?  Well, he needed to try and do some damage control.  

He hated damage control.  

"That was true…mostly.  I did have a Jedi master."

"His name?"

Anakin shook his head.  The last thing he needed was to be put into a mental facility, drugged out of his mind to keep him from accessing the Force because of his delusions.  

"You need to tell us, Anakin."

"I can't," he replied.  

"Why not?"  Again, his tone wasn't harsh, or demanding, but it had a grave tone to it that Anakin hadn't heard before.  

"I just can't."

"Are you on orders not to say anything?"

Anakin blinked and looked back up at the man.  "No.  I'm not a spy."

"I want to believe that Anakin," Qui-gon replied.  He meant it too.  "It would be far easier to sort this out if you would trust me enough to tell me."

That's what it boiled down to: trust.  And at this point, Anakin could not bring himself to do it.  He couldn't put his faith in anyone else, except maybe Padme.  But if he told her, that would put her in danger, and he couldn't do that either.  So he remained stuck between an asteroid and a comet.  

"I can't," he said again and got up.  As far as he was concerned, the conversation was over.  He'd already condemned himself, and Qui-gon would just have to live with what he'd figured out up to this point.

Strangely enough, the Jedi didn't protest again.  "Then can you promise me that you mean no harm to the Jedi or innocent civilians."

He didn't hesitate in his response.  "Yes.  I promise."

Qui-gon nodded.  "Then I will trust you, and I will be here when you can talk."

The sentiment meant more than Anakin would care to admit.  Even if he couldn't accept it, an open invitation felt…good.  "Don't die."

Qui-gon regarded him for several seconds.  "Thank you for the warning, Anakin.  I won't."

With that, Anakin left, too lost in his own thoughts to notice Obi-wan's presence at the end of the hall.

xXx

Qui-gon watched the empty doorway for several seconds contemplating his decision.  By all rights, the boy had just admitted to being a part of an order that encouraged pain and suffering.  Mace would have him locked away in the deepest parts of the Temple until they got answers.  Even if they got their answers, Qui-gon doubted the Council would let him go.  Wasn't that why they were entertaining the thought of keeping him to begin with?  Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.  He had training, so it would be better to have him there in the Temple instead of out causing Force knew what kind of damage.

"Master?" Obi-wan's voice broke him out of his thoughts.  Qui-gon blinked up at his padawan, unable to hide surprise.  He hadn't expected Obi-wan to approach him this early.  Normally it took quite a while for his padawan to cool down and think everything through.  He focused on the bond between them and realized just how worried the other would have to be before he came and checked up on his master.  

Qui-gon couldn't help but smile inside.  "What is it, Obi-wan?"

"Are you alright?"  Obi-wan put his hands together and walked forward, visibly agitated, although he tried to hide it.  

"Of course, Padawan.  Why would you think otherwise?"

"I felt distress from the bond.  What happened?"

This time Qui-gon allowed the smile to show.  "Ever the perceptive one, Padawan.  Anakin just told me something rather disturbing."

Obi-wan glanced back over his shoulder for just a moment as if to confirm that Anakin wasn't there before he turned and took another few steps forward.  "What did he tell you Master?"

"He told me some things about his past, and he also told me about a dream he had."

The Jedi apprentice blinked.  "Dream?"

Qui-gon nodded.  "Apparently he has prophetic dreams."

"Prophetic?" This time he turned fully around and faced the door.  "What happened in the dream?"

This would not be easy, but Qui-gon felt that Obi-wan had a right to know.  He smiled grimly.  "He said that I died on Naboo; killed by the Sith from Tatooine."

Obi-wan's head shot around so fast that Qui-gon wondered if he'd given himself whiplash.  "What?!  Master—"

The older Jedi held up his hand.  "I do not fear death, Obi-wan.  Neither should you.  However, I believe he warned me because he didn't want me to come to harm.  He told me that I died because I became separated from you and tried to take the Sith on alone."  This time his smile turned reassuring.  "I won't do that now, Padawan.  And now that we know of the probability of facing the Sith again, we can prepare."

"Prepare?"  The younger man eyed him suspiciously.  "You want to turn this into a meditation session somehow."

Qui-gon smiled again, grateful that Obi-wan had broken the tension.  "Again you show your perceptive nature."

Instead of arguing or refusing as he would have not a year ago, he instead sighed in resignation and sat down in a meditative pose.  "Very well, Master."

Qui-gon reseated himself and put his hands on his knees.  He had a lot of apprehension to release to the Force.  He also had a lot of worry.  Worry over whether he would live to see Obi-wan knighted, worry over whether he could fight a Sith Lord and still keep the Queen safe, worry about Obi-wan and his reaction to everything, and worry over whether he'd made the right decision to trust Anakin.

He spared one more glance toward the door before clearing his mind and reaching for the Force.  He'd made his decision to trust the boy, and he wouldn't go back on it now.  Dark side or not, he still believed that he was the Chosen One, therefore he had to believe Anakin would make the right choice.

"Master," Qui-gon opened his eye to see Obi-wan looking away.  "I'm sorry for my behavior.  It isn't my place to disagree with you about the boy."

Qui-gon waited, feeling that his apprentice had more to say.  "I see now that I may have misjudged him."  Qui-gon felt a ping of irony at that statement.  Just when Qui-gon had been able to deduce Anakin's darker past was when Obi-wan decided that he'd miscalculated.  Why the sudden change?  What had happened between the two?  "And I am grateful you feel I'm ready for the trials."  

"You've been a good apprentice, Obi-wan.  Don't sell your feelings short.  You are a much wiser man than I am.  I foresee that you will become a great Jedi Knight."

Obi-wan looked up again, meeting the other's eyes with a grateful smile.  "Thank you, Master."

With their bond restored, they fell into meditation, releasing their emotion into the Force and preparing for the oncoming storm.